Lapis Lazuli
by CheeseDeluxe
Summary: Ruining everything you love about Pokémon, one word at a time.
1. Prologue

**Prologue: A Thump at the Window**

*KA-THUMP!*

_...what the hell? That couldn't have been the rain..._

I hastily scrubbed my eyes and sat up, peering through the darkness.

_Crap, did someone break in?_

I looked around my room. Nobody.

*KA-THUMP!*

_The hell was that!_

I got out of my cozy bed and searched under it. Nothing. I looked into the closet, throwing aside the plethora of identical shirts and jeans. Nobody. As I turned around to climb back into bed, lightning struck. I could see the silhouette of a man on a ladder outside my window, his face pressed against glass in the rain.

"Moooom!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

*KA-THUMP!*

I clearly couldn't wait for her. In my half-awake state, I did what I thought was an acceptable thing at the time: Open the window and give him one hell of an uppercut. He flew off the ladder and fell on the grass below with a thud. My mom came rushing in and, seeing me perched over my windowsill, ran to me.

"Andrew!" she called. "Are you okay! What happened?"

"Uh, nothing, Mom."

"...dear, what are you looking at?"

There was another flash of lightning. I immediately cringed as the figure moaned, asking for my gender.

"...nobody. J...just Professor Maple."

Well, I guess that's what you get for sneaking in on someone.


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

"_Andreeeeeew!_" my mom shouted the next morning. "You're going to be _late!_"

"Coming, mom!" I shouted back.

I scrubbed the gunk out of my eyes, then slowly rose out of my bed. I took a quick glance at my alarm clock. 8:30, it said. I _was_ going to be late then. And then it hit me like a train. I was going to be late_ on the day I get my first Pokémon! _I threw open my closet doors with a slam. I quickly took out a shirt and a pair of jeans and just changed right there. There was no time for formalities at this point. I dashed over to my bathroom. I quickly and anxiously brushed my teeth. I reached for a bottle of hair gel and ran it through my hair. Same black spikes as normal. After drying my hair, I put on some socks and shoes and logged on my computer. I checked my box.

"..._empty!_ Mom, where's my Potion!"

"I got it, Andrew!" she replied.

I belted down the hallway and the stairs, the creaky wood echoing my footsteps. My mom halted me with a glare.

"Andrew Lawrence Taylor, don't you know how many people have fallen from stairs?" she yelled.

"S-sorry, Mom..." I mumbled.

"Anyway, I went shopping for you last night and got you this."

She handed me a flat, red backpack.

"I know it's hideously plain," she said. "But trust me, you'll be thanking me for this later. Oh, and this is for Professor Maple."

She handed me a box of chocolates. The box was plain, but read "Linnen's Gourmet". My mom then walked me into the dining room. There was a giant amount of food on the table in the middle of the room. Pancakes with syrup, toast with Oran Berry jam, scrambled eggs, crispy bacon, waffles decorated with berries and whipped cream...my eyes grew wide at the sight of it. The aroma of the food alone was enough to make a man burst into tears of joy. My sister, Caitlin, was already eating.

"About time you woke up, sleepyhead!" she teased.

"Well, what are you waiting for? An invitation?" my mom asked. "Go eat already!"

As if I needed to be told. I sprinted into a chair like no tomorrow and piled an indiscriminate amount of foodstuffs on my plate, shoving everything I possibly could into my mouth.

"Mooom, he's eating all the food again!" my sister whined.

"It's fine, Caitlin. Sylvia's making more."

As my mom said that, Sylvia, my mom's Chansey, came in the room with trays of food. She quickly placed the trays on the table wherever there was an empty space.

"Wow, Mom. You're even catering to me?" I said.

"Of course!" she said. "It _is_ your sixteenth birthday, after all."

"Which reminds me - happy birthday, Andrew," Sylvia said stoically, before walking out the door and back into the kitchen.

"Oh, don't mind her," my mom said. "She's been a bit crabby lately. Who knows why?"

After the best breakfast I had ever had, my mom started cleaning everything up. I could see she was a little depressed.

"Mom...are you alright?"

"I'm fine...it's just..." she muttered, sniffling. "You're growing up, and...I guess it's time to let you go out and have your own adventures..."

"Mom..." Caitlin murmured.

"I'll miss you, dear..." she said to me. She walked over to me and gave me a hug. "Take care, and make me proud."

I hesitantly walked out of the dining room and into the living room. I was about to walk out the door when I remembered I had a couple of questions to ask.

"Mom?" I called out.

"Yes, dear?" my mom said. She walked into the living room. "What is it? Did you forget something?"

"Well, sorta...I just have a couple of questions to ask before I leave."

"Go ahead!"

"How come I'm only getting my first Pokémon _now_, while there are other preschoolers who have access to some of the more powerful ones?

"I'd blame it on bad parenting, I guess."

"Aaaand...where does one get eggs and bacon from? I'm not insulting your cooking; not doing that by a looong shot. I'm just curious, you know? I've been eating that for breakfast for a long time, but I _still_ don't know what's in it."

"Eggs and bacon? Why, that's an easy one! They come from farm animals, silly!"

An awkward tension hung about the room.

"...Mom?" I said. "...what are 'farm animals'? Are they Pokémon?"

My mother immediately cupped her mouth. Sylvia shot my mom a glare.

"Erm...nothing!" she said excitedly. "Hey, aren't you about ready to go on that adventure?"

"Mom, weren't you just crying about that like a minute ago?" Caitlin said.

"That reminds me, Andrew. Do you mind taking your sister with you? Show her the ropes, you know. Get her ready."

"_What!_" the both of us shrieked.

•••••

"That was weird," Caitlin said. "I thought she wanted me to stay in school..."

"I dunno, Kate. She's been acting...odd, lately. No clue as to why."

We just stood there on the front step of our house and looked back at the city we called home.

Genesis Beach wasn't a big place; it was the complete opposite of 'big'. Given that, it had many visitors and tourists. It was a small city next to the shoreline of the Southern Bay. Nearer to the skirt of the ocean there was a commercial district. You had your hotels, some small businesses, a couple of sky scrapers, a jackton of restaurants, and the world's biggest bathroom. The bathroom on its own was enough to be a tourist attraction, but most people came to Genesis Beach for the amazing view.

Going north, there was a residential area. There were several homes and apartment buildings, all somewhat humble. It was enough for basic needs, and that was all its inhabitants cared for. This area was much quieter than the shore, and less populated as well. Not that it mattered...

"Well...ready, Kate?" I asked.

"I...I guess. It's a bit of a shock, being booted out of your house with no warning," she said.

"Well, uh...I'll try to make you comfortable with the process, then," I tried to reassure.

"...you don't even know what you're doing, do you, Andrew?"

"...not a clue."

I strapped my empty sack to my back and started walking north towards a small laboratory on the outskirts of town. The only thing to see was Genesis Park and a farm, which grew lots of berries. We looked towards the park, remembering old memories of swinging and playing tag with some kids we had grown up with.

Which was funny, because those same kids were training with their Pokémon. Gracie, the girl next door, was training her Hoppip and Pineco, having them repeatedly bash each other. Locke, the fighting-obsessed kid, was training his Sawk and Throh by having them crush rocks. Billiam, my neighbor across the street and self-proclaimed "rival", was running a marathon with his six Eevees. Jon and Ron, the "Twins of Terror", were having a Pokémon battle with each other. Maxine, my actual rival, was having a picnic with her team of Snivy, Roggenrola, and Bagon.

Caitlin and I quickly scurried north, trying desperately to avoid our neighbors. And shockingly, we actually _succeeded_ this time around.

•••••

"_This_ is the famous Pokémon Lab?" Caitlin asked.

"I...guess..." I replied.

The Pokémon Lab wasn't that great. It was a monolith of white slab, with a window here or there. It was completely cubic, too. The wooden sign above the automatic sliding glass door spelled "Pokémon Lab" in Unown. The building wasn't that much of a big deal.

We stepped up to the door. It slowly skidded into the wall. Caitlin and I stepped inside to the biggest mess either of us had seen in our entire lives. Bookcases were on the ground; sheets of paper were scattered about. Test tubes were on the tiled floor in pieces. All the tables were in hopeless disarray. Wires were thrown all over the lab, with hardly a sign of repair. To say the entire place was a wreck would be a massive understatement. And in the middle of it all, a middle-aged man sat in a wheelchair.

"Oh?" he said aloud. "Who is it?"

"I-it's me, Professor," I said nervously.

"...Andrew?" Professor Maple replied. "Oh, good."

He turned around.

"I apologize for my lab's appearance. After what happened last night, I broke my legs and haven't been able to keep this place tidy."

"Uh, Professor...what _were_ you doing at my house that late anyways—"

"And as such, I haven't been able to get any Pokémon for you. Oh? Is that your sister, Andrew? Hi, Caitlin."

"H-hi, Professor," Caitlin said shyly. "Are you okay—"

"—wait, you haven't been able to _what_ now!" I exclaimed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Unfortunately, common courtesy forces me to give you people a fair warning.<br>**

**There is no canon shipping. In fact, there are no canon characters. Hell, I'll take it a step further: Everything you read right now (aside from the actual Pokémon themselves) is completely original. As far as this story goes, there is no Ash, no Ethan, no Brendan, no Lucas, and no Hilbert. None of those people exist, nor do their rivals. No currently established places exist either. Kanto? Where's that? Johto? Is that some sort of hideout?**

**There are no already known criminal organizations in this piece of work either. I hate to break it to you, but I'm ripping you guys an entirely new one. There aren't even _references_ to anything that's canon.  
><strong>

**That being said, enjoy.**


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

"What do you mean, you haven't gotten me a Pokémon!" I shouted. "I can understand you're paralyzed, but couldn't you have nabbed me one _in advance_!"

"Andrew, come on. I'm sure the professor was very busy," Caitlin said.

"Unfortunately, Andrew, your sister would be right. I've been...uh, studying the migration of bird Pokémon and have been shut in all week."

While I was suspicious of him, I was also emotionally wrecked.

"...you mean...I'm _not_ getting my Pokémon today then...?" I asked, almost ready to sob.

Sixteen years. Sixteen _years_. I had waited _sixteen years_ for a Pokémon...

"...you know what?" the professor asked. I perked up.

"...w-what...?"

"I'll make it up to you. Let's go get you a Pokémon."

I was elated. I nearly froze in my spot. After I woke, Caitlin and Professor Maple said I was out cold for a good ten minutes.

"Well, then, Andrew," Maple said. "Are you ready to go?"

"Y-yes!" I shouted.

"Then let's go! I haven't all day!"

*clunk*

"...Andrew, Caitlin, I'm stuck in these ropes. If you could be so kind..."

•••••

"Well, here we are. Route 1," Maple said.

And there we were. It was a small dirt road, lined with trees of various sizes. You could hear the Pokémon scrambling in the forest and even a stream nearby. The leaves were beautiful shades of emerald and olive. The sky was a clear blue. The weather was absolutely perfect.

"Yeah, I know. It's great," he said. "Well, let's go find you a Pokémon. Caitlin, this is also for you. The first step in finding a Pokémon is—"

"You walk in tall grass, deep sand, inside a cave, or go in water. You then wait for a Pokémon to appear. After it does, you have your Pokémon weaken it, then you throw a Poké Ball at it. If you're lucky enough, it'll be caught," Caitlin and I said simultaneously very quickly. "We know."

There was a pause.

"Except...I don't have any Pokémon _or_ Poké Balls, Professor," I said.

"I'm well aware of your situation, Andrew, which is why I'm giving you these."

He handed me six Poké Balls.

"...um, Professor Maple?" Caitlin asked. "How is Andrew supposed to catch a Pokémon without being able to weaken it in any way?"

"...don't worry, Kate. He'll get lucky."

"Riiiight," I said, worried.

Another pause.

"What are you standing here for, you two? Get crackin'!" Maple said.

"What, and leave you here?" I said.

"I'm a grown man, Andrew. I'll be fine."

"Whaaatever."

And with that, Caitlin and I set out into the forest.

•••••

"How big do you think this place is, Andrew?" Caitlin asked, kicking the dirt below her feet as she walked.

"No clue, Kate."

We had been deeper in the forests of Route 1 for two fruitless hours when we heard a stream.

"Is...is that a stream?" I asked.

"Ugh, I hope so," my sister moaned. "I'm parched."

We followed the sound of water and wound up in a secluded area with a stream. Figuring we were hopelessly and utterly lost, we decided to take a break. We both sat down on the grass, dropping our Poké Balls on the grass. My sister dove straight for the fast stream and plunged her hands in. She sipped water from her hands as if they were a cup.

"...this is surprisingly crisp. Andrew, come have some."

I walked over to the stream, careful not to fall in. I shoved my hands in, but as I was about to take a drink, something large ran into my hands.

"Eh?" I muttered.

I lifted my hands out of the water to find a Magikarp.

"Ugh, a Magikarp. You _sure_ this is okay to drink, Kate?" I asked.

"Oh, don't be such a baby—oh, I think I got one."

"Well, let it go!"

But before she could, it splashed out of the water and onto the land. It landed on my lap and just sat there.

"What are you doin'?" I said. "And...waaaaiiit a second..."

"How come that one's gold and all sparkly and stuff?" Caitlin asked.

"...no idea. Kate, hand me a Poké Ball, please."

"What?" she said. "That's a _Magikarp_. They're totally useless!"

"...but this one's shiny!"

"Augh, whatever," she whined, tossing me a ball. I pressed the ball's button on the shiny Magikarp. The Magikarp turned into a bright light and went straight into the ball.

Caitlin and I looked at the ball. It shook once...twice...three times...and then a click.

"Did...did you catch it?"

"I...I think..."

I picked up the ball.

"If I did, then this'll work. Go, Magikarp!" I yelled as I threw the ball.

And just like magic, Magikarp popped out of the ball with a sparkle.

"Magikarp!" it said.

"Well, what do you know? I got 'im," I said.

"...why did you use one of the only _six_ Poké Balls we had _on a Magikarp!_" my sister shouted.

"It was _shiny_."

"For the love of Arceus, why does that matter!"

"Because that obviously means it's special. Come on, let's go."

We headed back into the forest. We bumbled about for around an hour until we finally collapsed from exhaustion.

"Professor?" I called out, desperate.

"Professor Maple? Where are you?" my sister called.

"He's gone...!"

"...A-Andrew? Where are we?"

"...I dunno. I think we're lost..."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: If you made it this far, I congratulate you. You're in for a ride.<strong>

**Probably a dull one.**


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

"You _can't_ be serious, Andrew. You got us _lost_!" my sister scolded.

"Uh, don't look at me. Whose bloody idea was it to send mere _children_ out into the world on their own!" I replied.

"As far as I can remember, you _wanted_ to go. Heck, you said you were ready for this!"

"Doesn't mean it's my fault!"

"Uh, _yeah_, it kinda _does_!"

"Karp!" my Magikarp said.

"Tch, whatever. We still gotta find our way outta here, and arguing certainly isn't going to help." I said.

"For the love of Arceus, just get us out, Andrew," Caitlin muttered.

After what was probably half an hour, we got up, brushed ourselves, and aimlessly wandered through the forest one more time. We eventually got so deep into the forest that neither of us could tell if it was day or night. It got so dark that Caitlin started squeezing Magikarp out of fear. The constant scuttling of the bug Pokémon certainly didn't help. After what felt like hours, the three of us became extremely exhausted and took another break. We sat against a couple of trees and rested. After a brief nap, Caitlin burst out of nowhere.

"Andrew, I'm huuuuuungry," she whined.

"Ugh...so am I," I said back.

"Go get us something."

"Um, you remember when I said I got us lost?"

"Yeah?"

"_I meant it._"

Caitlin groaned loudly.

"Just find us something to eeeeeeeat."

"Kate, we're in the middle of a dense forest with no maps and no way of getting out anytime soon. How do you suppose I do that?"

"We roam around."

"Oh, like _that_ got us anywhere."

"Come oooon, you gotta try!"

"No."

"Pleeeaaaase? I'm starving!"

"...fine."

After another two wasted hours, we found a small clearing and just laid on the grass.

"...told you that wouldn't get us anywhere," I muttered.

"Karp!" Magikarp said.

"Well, we tried," Caitlin said.

"Caitlin, come on. Like we were going to find anything."

"Stop being so pessimistic!"

"Stop acting as if we were in a cartoon, then! Stop acting like we're going to suddenly find something out of sheer luck!"

"Fine."

Caitlin opened my backpack and started rifling through it.

"Uh, Kate? What do you think you're doing?"

"Searchin' through your sack."

"I didn't bring anything with me. There is literally no reason why you should—"

"If you didn't bring anything, then what the heck is this!"

She pulled out a bent-up box, reading "Linnen's Gourmet".

"...oh crap, "I muttered."

"Thought about hiding this, didn't you?" Caitlin yelled.

"No! I was supposed to give those to Professor Maple!"

"Then why didn't you, Smarty Pants?"

"Because I'm forgetful and I was mad at not getting my first Pokémon!"

"_Riiiight._"

There was a minute of silence.

"...since we're stuck here, can we eat these?" my sister asked.

"Mom and Professor Maple wouldn't like it—"

"I'm well aware of that, but as you keep saying, we're in the middle of a forest with no food to be found anywhere. It's either this or starving, bro."

"...pass me the one with the sprinkles," I reluctantly sighed.

She tossed me a chocolate as she nibbled one. I ate mine in one bite.

"Coconut," she said.

"Cherry."

We sat there, staring at Magikarp. He didn't respond.

"...you sleepy?" I asked Caitlin.

"...yeah..." she yawned.

"Alright, let's go to sleep and see if nobody finds us during the morning, or whatever time it is right now. Not like we can do anything else."

We laid down in the grass and sat there. Despite the fact that neither of us had blankets nor pillows, we fell asleep pretty quickly. At least, I did. I slept pretty soundly, too.

•••••

My dreams weren't really all that special. And after I discovered lucid dreaming, my dreams started to become more and more plain. They're boring, really. Except this one. I'm not sure why.

I was floating. I didn't know why, and I certainly didn't know where. I was hovering in the middle of a blank space. Out of nowhere, a giant, dark sphere appeared out of nowhere. There were people in there, doing weird things. They were holding weird devices to their ears, inside giant contraptions and going down dark colored roads. They were wearing fancy suits and going to giant skyscrapers and...burger restaurants everywhere. They were holding cups full of coffee. I dubbed this place...this city, Subspace, for reasons unknown to me even now. I floated there, observing this weird place.

•••••

"Andrew!"

"...mpf."

"_Andrew! Wake up!_"

"I don't wanna. I wanna go back to sleep."

"Andrew! Wake the _hell _up!"

"Do I have to?"

"If you wanna get out of this fire _alive!_"

"...what in blazes are you talking about, Kate!"

I scrubbed my eyes and opened them.

"Oh, dear _Arceus!_" I screamed.

All of the forest surrounding Route 1 was on fire. And we were lost in it.


	5. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

"What the _hell!_ What, did the forest just _spontaneously combust_ or something!" I shouted.

"Does it _look_ like I know!" Caitlin screamed back.

I returned Magikarp to his ball and hastily stuffed the chocolates into my backpack. I then grabbed Caitlin by the arms and just ran in random directions, covering my mouth as I ran past the burning trees and the smoke. I didn't know where I was going, but I figured it'd be better than just sitting there and suffocating. I dragged my sister through falling branches and embers everywhere. I didn't think we'd make it out alive. The entire thing was an intoxicating blur of colors. Somehow, though, after panic-filled minutes running in random directions, we made our way back to Route 1 in the dead of night. Caitlin and I fell to the ground, wheezing.

"...so, it's night time," I coughed.

"_That's_ what you're focused on right now!" Caitlin screamed. "How about getting out of here alive!"

"Well, that too..."

"Are you _kidding_ me! Come on! Where the hell are we? Is this even Route 1!"

"Like I would know—"

A burning branch fell right next to my feet.

"OKAY, LET'S GO!" I screamed.

I didn't know where we were headed, but it'd be better than this burning forest. I dragged Caitlin by the arm again as I ran down the road.

•••••

Route 1 was one _hell_ of a trek full of tired running and coughing. By the time we made it to the end, the two of us were _crawling_. I was exasperated; who knows how Caitlin felt?

We were on our knees when we found an unscathed sign in the middle of the road. 'Garland Square', it read in blocky letters. As excited as I was, neither of us had the energy to move on. Worse, the fire in Route 1 was spreading.

"Help!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "For the love of Arceus, _help!_ Route 1 is on _fire!_"

I glanced behind me to find an unconscious Caitlin.

"Kate! Kate, _get up!_" I shouted at her in desperation. She didn't.

"_Shit!_ Somebody help!" I yelled as loud as I could.

I was terrified out of my mind. I kept yelling for help and praying to the heavens, hoping that everything would turn out for the better. After screaming my lungs out and getting no responses, I eventually passed out on the cold ground.

•••••

I woke up with a shock. I couldn't open my eyes, and I had no idea where the hell I was. I felt soft linens covering my body and a pillow. Just...just like Mom made them. Was I at home? I tried opening my eyes again, but all they did was flutter. I tried speaking, but all that happened was that my lips quivered. Apparently, somebody took notice to this.

"Dr. Morris! The John Doe from last night is waking up!" a woman shouted outside. "Come here!"

I heard footsteps walking close to me. I started worrying and wondering who these people are. I worried for my sister.

"Ah, good," I heard a man speak. "I'm Dr. Morris, son. No need to worry; you and your girlfriend are safe here. You're at the Garland Square Pokémon Center.

I nearly screamed at him. In fact, the only reason why I didn't was because I had this gloomy feeling and was extremely drowsy...or something. I don't exactly know how to say it.

"Oh, don't try to talk or move. You're under heavy sedation. We found you in almost critical condition. You had burn marks and lacerations all over you. We had to put you under pretty heavy surgery. We didn't think you would make it!" Dr. Morris said rather nonchalantly.

_That explained a lot_, I thought to continued.

"Anyway, get some rest. Breakfast is waiting for you on the sidetable when you come to."

Dr. Morris left the room, leaving just me inside. I started wondering if Caitlin was going to be alright. I thought about my Magikarp. What was I going to name him? I wondered if I was really cut out for this Pokémon business after all. I _could_ just be a businessman. If I can't even get past a damn road, how the hell am I supposed to travel the world? And lastly, why did Dr. Morris think Caitlin was my girlfriend? I lied there in a vegetative slump, trying to figure out my life.


End file.
